and so you call
it's 3am
you inquire where and how i've been
your unaware
that in my mind
i'd resolved to give you one last time
it's 3am
a tuesday night!
of course i'd be in bed a'ight
its on your time
its all your time
i cant subscribe to this pantomime
its in my head
thats where it ends
tonight i resolve to make amends
in future tense
this'd best be done
for now you're still my only one

Woop.

Running toward fantasy
Evading my reality
Engulfed in ambiguity
I set up for remorse

Kneeling to your revelry
Controlled by my indecency
Drowning in this legacy
My own misguided course

Hit the ground I'm racing
There's nothing in my way
Further onward upward
Beyond my own dismay
There's so much here before me
I cannot pass this stage
Perhaps I must stop moving
And just let my mind engage

.... so I DON'T feel like posting apparently

I was just reading a summary of today's Oprah show-a rare occurrence to be sure-and the woman interviewed was the author of Eat, Pray, Love, Liz Gilbert, who went on a spiritual journey of indulgence, restriction, and self-analysis. She then wrote a book about it.
What's interesting to me is how she encompassed her twenties as being in a state of insecurity; saying 'yes' to many scenarios-including marriage, an occupation, and a lifestyle to which she was uncertain-because she did not want to harbor any ill feelings or cause her youth to quote "hold up the train of progress".
What struck me about this is the reality that I have never said "yes" to appease anyone. Perhaps I have missed out on some experiences, perhaps... but ultimately, I've never ever compromised who I was in order to set a cause in motion in life. I have two poles of thought on this: the first, and most self-indulgent of the two, is the thought that I may be confident and aware beyond my years. I've behaved as such all my life, and seeing people around me in situations that are detremental to their self-image because they refused to say "no" is a foreign, yet relatable, concept. The opposing thought, and one that is weighted equally to the prior, is that I may indeed be missing out on some prolific life experiences and revelations by staying the course of my own desires. I have noticed that much of my art has arisen from periods of heightened emotion; be it lust, 'love' (in the LOOSEST sense possible trust me), anger, hurt... perhaps if I tried out more scenarios where the answer "no" didn't come so readily, I could grow, flourish, and create with greater ease and intensity? Hmmm. Something to ponder.
K last post today I swear!

Ohhhhh snap.

Although I have no real inclination to post today, I came upon an interesting observation about blogs yesterday which I thought I would write down, just in case other browsers wished to read it.
The blog, as a medium of thought representation, is an astounding concept. The capacity to reach such a wide range of individuals and express one's views in such a fluid, stream-of-conciousness way is something that should be noted. I will readily admit I am a tad bias; I prefer blogs with some intellectual merit, or with some theory or personal anecdote to bring to the table-for contemplative purposes, I suppose. I'm not too fond of the 'daily recollection' blogs, unless they're interesting, hilarious or rediculous: I suppose it's my tendency to keep my daily comings and goings to the present tense, unless they affect me in some profound way which deserves linguistic elaboration.
What I'm getting at, without too much unnecessary bravado, is that I'm am absolutely fascinated with my ability, right freaking now, to cement my current thoughts into a digital format, which can be read by anyone who happens upon it. It's as though an entire anonymous population is gaining access into the thoughts of thousands of others; this could not occur anywhere else, besides conversation. I'm not sure if I'm beating the point into the ground; it is pretty self explanitory. I just think it's really cool! And this is what was on my mind at approximately 2:34 pm on Friday, October 5, 2007. This same thought, in this manner, at this time, will never occur again. And now it's accessible to all who are presently reading. That's AWESOME :)