.lacking

muse, oh muse! where have you gone? you, so alive and indistinguishable; pounding at my soul when awake, breathing fire china breaths while asleep; always near, yet never wholly perceptible or too bold; guiding me in your grace, igniting the flame of desire within, impelling me to act, to create, to feel deeply.

o, love! o sweet blissful need, o craving for words and things that caress the abstract, unable to fully form into the thing you most want to be: seen.

where, sweet misty madness, have you gone, my dear! have you run off to be satiated by another, more consistent partner? have you found someone who stokes your passions to explosion and centers your heart with soul-sighs? have you danced of into the forever twilight where stars and dew-dropped grass will always line your horizons?

muse, my love - i know not where you are - but i know that i would trade all the tangible, living, breathing symbols of life and happiness to be in your ethereal arms again.

it is you who i miss. it is you who i crave. it is you, sweet muse, whom i have lost.

10/02/16

i am a flawed system

mechanics dont work

everything always falls apart

after a while

sometimes i wonder

what made me this way

so insecure, so ugly,

so broken 

maybe i dont believe in the concept of a god figure

because i cannot believe anything

would do this

to somebody

how do you walk this earth with confidence

when you are obselete

to yourself

my love, my all (pt3)

scrape scrape scrape
silent nails against my heart

tear tear tear the flesh

holding me in

bleed the life

fresh and new
out out out

down down down

to the thirsty ground

My love, my all (pt2)

the sadness anticipated your silence this time
the sadness always does
it has a knack for knowing when

the other will exit scene

leaving the soliloquy

to me,
blanketed in it's shallow warmth

My love, my all

Rearing it's head back like a lion in the midst of a mighty roar,

the majestic sorrows of the day project their power to the energy of the world

solitary and aggressive like a fearsome grizzly breathing smoke in the fall air,

the hunger of the emotional core growls and snarls violently and psychically angry

hollow and empty like fierce psychotic winds whipping through seismic mountains,

the saddened soul empties with a swift, endless, passionate scream

mournful and depleted like a woman who's lover disappears without a trace,

the landscape of human earth looks as ungodly and dead as the silent moon's horizon

And that was how it went
my friend
and that was how it went!

With the moments so bright
and the tension so tight
and that was how it went!

In moments full of happenstance
she filtered through the trees.
And to and fro and round she went
To see what she could sees!

And quickly quickly she made haste
through obstacles of fate
to 'void the moment she'd to face
Of the swift deteriorate!

Of a 'lationship so strange, so bold,
so wrought with stricken fright!
O'er feeling someone oh so close
the pull of 'motional might!

Oh no, she feared, as she wove so
A-through, around and up,
I canny let the feelings sho,
I canny give this up!

And so, with weaving fingers 'round
the curves of modern love,
she wove a web and tossed the quilt
to fell him from above,

through words so cold and meaning feld
thru mediating glares
she sealed the fate and jumped the ship
ah, no more unawares!

Out in the sea she swam and swam
'till safety was assured
"Oh heavens now, and all it took
was the wisdom of the word!"

"To assure me hope and give me calm,
this safety of the sea,
it only took these open words
dispensed so curiously!"

And through the waves she giggled so,
dark water splashing round,
tho wetness still, was unassured,
the stable left unfound.

And so with time, the ups the downs,
they took their toll on she.
And one day down the depths below,
her soul it was set free.

The ups the downs the lefts the rights
the ups the sides to side,
were just but life involved with words,
but life personified.

And so, dear one, a-reading this
with open, vibrant eyes,
please note that tho life is a treat
it's also full with spies!

Those little people in your brain,
who tell you you've done wrong,
when all along you've felt the pain,
of what's been flowing on.

So listen listen to your gut,
the one that steers the ship.
For it will guide you thru the rut
and into love, pip pip!

For it steers through rough when you astray,
and it steers through calm when free.
So listen! Listen! To yourself,
and you'll be free to 'be!'

And so it was that she would swim
for forever and a day,
'cause in the moment she let go,
the current she could play!

Hey hey!

Poem by Dr. Steve Brule

A rant, the form of an essay, in the form of a rant

Janice sighed with mournful, deflating softness as she peered distractedly at the tiny screen of her mobile phone. With fatigued eyelids and a weeping looseness about her face, she dispassionately swept her eyes across the bundle of digital text within the small electronic frame designated for cellular-to-cellular 'chat'. She felt drawn and defeated, though she wasn't physically tired: she was simply tired of the patterns that possessed her interactions with the opposite sex, as if timed to the hands of the clock, 'like clockwork'.

The screen gave perky, illuminated note of conclusion rendered by an immediate romantic partner. This gentleman's words were laced with excitement, enthusiasm and inquiry of the current circumstance of her life, only there was an emptiness about them. Janice knew, from first read, that this man had not read her previous text; he'd laid eyes upon the words and embraced the familiarity of the cultural mechanism of text-message conversation of course, but he had not actually absorbed the meaning within her words; the context of the text. His response over-enthused about foregone conclusions, drew faulty links, made fraudulent claims with excitable punctuation and smiley faces. It attempted feebly, distractedly, to reference her previous message, but the looseness and coldness about the language made plain that he was writing from another, preoccupied place beyond his cognizant awareness of her words. It was as though he was speaking side-mouthed into a dark chasm, a vacant vessel, speaking vaguely into some deep nothingness. It was as though he didn't have a clue, yet was self-drawn enough to pretend he did so as to keep the mechanisms of communication well-oiled and moving.

A heaviness lit upon Janice's being; a weariness upon her soul. She had felt this confused resignation before, many times, when a man ceases to acknowledge her words and instead opens her up and hurls his abstract indifference into her being, penetrating her interiority with vacant sentiment and distracted reasonings. It was at times like this that the emptiness of the words she confronted was then mirrored by the emptiness she felt confronting them: devoid of meaning, raw, baseless. Empty words for an empty vessel. She was a conduit for empty sentiment.

Why this pattern persisted, Janice could not say. She could not reason with such circumstance. All she knew was this was yet another man who ceased to see her as a being with thoughts and ideas, instead referencing her as a container for absent words; and within this caesura of meaning she drew her own foregone conclusion, echoing the emptiness, hollowing out the space which once held another human being's essence within the fullness of her mind.

An ode to a friend; digitally divided

"For Duncan"

All the world
Through pale, quick embers
And yet, this warmth,
is human;
How blessed we are,
creatures of the code,
to feel such living happiness!

hushing petals cradle themselves softly to the ground
the rain peals down like silent subtle media film rolling
eyes upon eyes close slowly inward, quietly inward
and all good things fall
and all good things fall
all good and happy and lovely things fall

Hypo-quandriac

"Wouldn't it make sense to wait until...?"
As my brains spill out onto the floor
As my brains spill out onto the floor
As my brains spill out onto the floor
"But usually people really don't..."
As thoughts erode like memories
As thoughts erode like memories
As thoughts erode like memories
"Can't you put it in perspective..."
As the fog overwhelms everything
As the fog overwhelms everything
As the fog overwhelms everything

Brains spill
Thoughts erode
Fog overwhelms

"You will be a stronger person for this"