Whiteout

My pride stepped in and I resolved us as friends
I showed you my heart to make our amends
I gave you my soul and I felt every word
And I thought that you felt the emotion you heard

You gave me excuses and reasons for doubt
You made me feel that my concerns wern't without
I thought I saw some remourse in your eyes
Your frailty and honesty naming you wise

I realize now how deceptive I was
In your good points were 'you' just because
I couldnt admit to the truth in my head
Relationship surrendered to friends in it's stead

I so could have dealt with existing as such
but according to you I was asking too much
The audacity to think I meant something to you
How stupid I was to believe you were true

You fed me your lines, tailored to my plight
You soothed out my state and extinguished my fight
You had me convinced I was right all along
All the while knowing well that I had you all wrong

You lying, seeting, dispicable boy
To think that you played with me like a dog's toy
To THINK that you told me to look in your eyes
While you spit down my throat all those venomous lies

I cannot describe all the anger within
For playing your game and then letting you win
I feel so defeated, so hurt and so used
I feel small, I feel cheated; pathetic, abused

I feel low and disgusting, and utterly naive
I feel sick and distrusting like you wouldnt believe
I feel lost I feel lonely, disgrased I feel sad
I feel raped I feel stupid, unwise I feel sad

I have feelings I can't say I've experienced before
I'm reduced to an emotional, obsessed goddamn whore
If life is experience, I can truely say
WIthout this one I would be happier today

But alas, I have fallen, I'm still getting up
It will take me awhile till myself is enough
I still need to regain who I know I can be
The confident, classy woman I know to be me

I must grasp to the notion that I'm not okay
I must take this as closure and just walk away
When a boy seems so perfect, makes me laugh makes me smile
It does not always mean they'll be here for a while