The dynamics of a thought

Thoughts are truly unlike anything else in the universe. They are concocted of a human created entity-language-and seemingly appear out of nowhere-implying a sporatic, natural birth-encouraged often by a physical reactionary process, such as visual stimuli. Memories-another form of thought-are just as intreguing, for they are language-buffered imagery usually accompanied by an emotional attatchment and handful of independently-associated thoughts.
Gah... I suppose the reason I'm rambling on about this stuff is that a plethora of thoughts often occupy my mind whenever I'm physically idle and alone. Yet as of late, emotional sequences have been arising around me, and I find this extremely difficult to rationalize since it is often beyond my mental control. I suppose this is why I feel frusterated and upset when I see emotionally-feuled negative situations beyond my control, and perhaps this is also why I tend to avoid emotional relationships (aka romantic ones; friendships are outside of this equation of frusteration for some reason)- because I find that as I encounter these kinds of 'situations', I feel fear that I cannot manipulate my own emotions with logic, and therefore do not desire to partake in something that cannot be easily controlled by my thoughts. In reality I'm merely fighting the natural order: I am using-or attempting to-a human creation to override and avoid natural tendencies, therefore I am literally existing in a state of methodical autopilot that drives me to focus on outside interests and hobbies and avoid personal growth in the romantic/relationshipal arena. This is not to say that I am not increasingly emotionally attatched to things-I have an odd tendency to feel extreme, if not hyper-attatchment to the human race in general at times, due to the ignorance (not in the negative, intentional meaning) of many human beings, which I forsee as a state of vulnerability of which can easily be aided with knowledge and enlightenment. Also I feel extreme distress in many of the assumed 'rights' and 'wrongs' of society, wherein certain vocations, individuals, salaries, and other such means of life are considered on a hierarchical plane over others, creating goals and setting boundaries that should not exist. This pains me to see others striving for empty fufillment when all that is necessary to make one essentially whole is a love of others and a deep love of life.
I've also come to realize that when I'm typing I tilt my head to the left. Hmm. Maybe I'm just tired?

Sleep deprivation definately makes for a boring post. Next time I'll have a drunken-antic story to retell. Until then, adios!


~Kate