Quotes and stuff
I have realized, just this evening, how many regrets I have.
I am not the completely just, honorable, honest and morally sound person I thought I was.
It occurred to me only as I was sitting at my table, rapt in anxiety over a current situation regarding the dismissal of a former best friend, for too many valid reasons to mention. I wondered why I was so fearful of the aftermath of her anger, as I'm positive she will attempt to defile my name to anyone who will listen. At first, it was merely the principal of the thing that bugged me... as it still does, for she does not have the right to gossip about me to others, based on an issue between us.
However, upon reflection, I realized that I have many, many things that could be used as arsenal against my character. I have hurt people through my actions with the opposite sex: pursuing males sexually, who my friends has either an interest in or a former relationship with. I have inadvertently lied to people I care about, about issues that I am insecure about. I have let go of many friends, being absolutely lax with effort to see them, and I have cut ties with those who I value. I had become an angry, bitchy, vindictive little girl, and I hated myself for it.
I cannot blame her for my actions. I was not a good person, in numerous ways, in the past year and a half.
I am crippled with lonliness and sadness, anxiety and regret. I can only empathize and understand those who have, and will, remove me from their life entirely due to my actions, or inaction, and I do not blame them. I am so sad that I will never have the opportunity to approach these subjects with those I have hurt, and I would love nothing more than to apologize for my behavior and explain that I have learned from my mistakes, I'm still learning, and they did not deserve my complete and utter lack of concern or regard for their feeling.
I am so sorry: Chels, Nicole, Grant, Kyler, Lori, Jess, Mike, Chris, Mel, Shaun, Sopan. I am so sorry. I am so so sorry.
I hope that one day I can achieve some form of forgiveness for my behavior. For now, I can only learn, grow, and evolve into the person I desire to be: a person who has no regrets, and who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings.
Today is the first day, of the rest of my life as a changed, new and forward-thinking woman. And for this, and the lessons learned tonight, I am glad.
posted by ~Kate~ at 3:47 PM
2 Comments:
“''Doing your own thing'' is a generous act. Being gifted creates obligations, which means you owe the world your best effort at the work you love. You too are a natural resource.”
“You can learn new things at any time in your life if you're willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you.”
“It's essential to distinguish between events that are really beyond your control and events you caused yourself”
“The cure for sorrow is to learn something”
“Real obstacles don't take you in circles. They can be overcome. Invented ones are like a maze.”
“People have to face regrets. Becoming mature means learning to accept what you cannot change, facing unresolved sorrows and learning to love life as it really happens, not as you would have it happen. When someone attaches unkindness to criticism, she's angry. Angry people need to criticize as an outlet for their anger. That's why you must reject unkind criticism. Unkind criticism is never part of a meaningful critique of you. Its purpose is not to teach or to help, its purpose is to punish. Life isn't supposed to be an all or nothing battle between misery and bliss. Life isn't supposed to be a battle at all. And when it comes to happiness, well, sometimes life is just okay, sometimes it's comfortable, sometimes wonderful, sometimes boring, sometimes unpleasant. When your day's not perfect, it's not a failure or a terrible loss. It's just another day.”
“You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.”
“Resentment is weak and lowers your self-esteem.”
Barbara Sher
"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
Alexander Graham Bell
HENRY DAVID THOREAU
Make the most of your regrets. . . . To regret deeply is to live afresh
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